my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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