Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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