I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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