I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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