Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
