god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize