I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
