Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
