She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
