I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
