Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
