dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
high people should be assigned attendants
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Text me some of your sweat
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