how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
