she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
