I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
