yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
