i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
