ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
