at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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