Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize