I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i need to put some appletini on your dick
so much tequila, so little girl.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
