HIV tests are more positive than that guy
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
