u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
