Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
