Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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