I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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