Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
