Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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