If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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