I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
