so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
