I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
