I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
