wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
