Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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