You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize