btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
