Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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