i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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