I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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