Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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