I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
