I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
