Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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