i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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