i jhust puked up my retainher.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
