I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
