home. puking in laundry basket.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
