I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize