booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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