i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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