How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
