I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
