OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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