why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
