i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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