hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
