On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
