I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
