Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
