I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
