I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
