there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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