guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
