i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
