we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
