Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
