There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
