Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
