Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
