U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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