Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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