dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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