I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
