What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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