Im at strip club and am horny
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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