just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
