my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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