he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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