rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
