3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
