I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
