rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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