bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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