did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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