Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
