Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
