I just threw up on my dentist
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
