FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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